


Back for Christmas

by Polimnia



Category: Carmilla - Fandom, carmilla the series, creampuffs - Fandom
Genre: Christmas, Cute, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 19:27:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5552369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polimnia/pseuds/Polimnia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here it goes, my first big work. Enjoy it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Back for Christmas

October 29th  
-Laura, I have a bad new and a good one –Carmilla said just when she arrived home- Which one do you want to hear first?  
Carmilla was more serious than normally.  
-First the good one.  
-I have a new job –she said smiling, but it wasn’t her real smile, she was trying to hide me something, her lips formed a fake smile.  
-Which is the bad one Carm? –I didn’t want to ask it, I was afraid, but sooner or later, I would have to know it.  
-I have to move –her tone changed radically, now she wasn’t hiding anything- but I’m afraid you can’t come with me, you can’t give up your job and your studies in here. Anyway, it won’t be a long time, I will be back just when I save a little more money, and we won’t realise I have never gone, cupcake.  
While she was speaking, my eyes were filling with tears and when she ended, the salty tears went down my cheek.  
Carmilla gave me a big and deep hug, I realised her altered breathing: she was also crying.

December 2nd  
Today I’ve received an email from Carmilla asking me to set up the Christmas tree. I thought we were doing it together but she said that when she arrives we won’t have enough time so better if I set it up first and let the house have a little Christmas tone before she arrives.

December 8th  
It’s December 8th, Carmilla still doesn’t know the exact day she’s coming, so as she asked, I’m gonna set up the Christmas tree. Without her, it is not the same.  
I take out the tree, I put it next to the sofa, it starts snowing and I began to be sad.  
I imagine Carmilla is here, next to me, she’s taking out the Christmas balls and playing with them, I imagine after setting the tree up we will make some cakes and I’ll teach her how to cook even though she doesn’t want to, and I imagine that as tomorrow the street will be full of snow, we could go and see it and play there with the sleds, snowballs and snowmen; happily, but it is all imaginary, she is not here, at least not today and not tomorrow, but who knows, I still hope she comes before Christmas, and we spend it together, maybe we even watch a film.  
I take the Christmas balls. This year they are all red and golden, and I start put them on the tree, slowly and carefully, as Carmilla hopes I do, to give the living room a Christmas tone, but I only do it because she has asked me to. I wonder if she is the same sad and melancholy as I am, I wonder if she misses me the same much as I do. Sure, but as she likes to be strong in front of me she won’t accept it, but I know her enough to know that inside her there is a big heart.  
The tree was almost ready; only three balls left, the star and Carmilla. I can’t reach top, soy I take a chair. Today there’s no one here to lift me and help me to put them, there’s no cat that plays with the balls that hang of the fir tree.  
After that I take the star to put on the top too, but even though I know Carmilla will be on time for Christmas, I can’t resist, and, with my eyes full of tears again, I start crying, a continuous sobbing, a sad sobbing, a cold sobbing. I feel stupid, I shouldn’t cry, but I can’t stop. I decide not to put the star until Carmilla arrives, so the tree stays like that, without star, empty, like my life without Carmilla, at least until she comes, the tree and me are incomplete.

December 15th  
Today I’ve been thinking what can I buy to Carmilla for Christmas and the first thing that has come up to my mind has been a book, but which one? She has lots and lots of them, and, as she has been building them up for such a long time it is too difficult to find one she hasn’t got. So I entered the book place and I started to look for, there were ancient books and relatively new ones. There were that much that I didn’t know which one buy, so searching and searching I found one which attracted my attention and I started to read it, forgetting that I was actually thinking of one to give her as a present.  
I read a chapter, and then another and another. While seconds, minutes and hours were passing I realised that I wasn’t reading it because I really loved it, I was reading it because the fact of being reading a Carmilla’s book made me feel nearer to her.  
The phone rang.  
I took the phone to see who was calling, it was Carmilla.  
Anxious to her voice I picked it up.  
-Carmilla!!  
-Hello cupcake –she said with a seductive voice- how are you going? How are you passing the day?  
-Fine, I was just reading one of your books –I said, maybe with too much emotion.  
-Really? Which one? –she said curiously.  
-Allan Poe, all his tales.  
-That’s one of my favourites, but it’s a bit gloomy and dreary, don’t you think?  
-Well, I saw it and I wanted to read it –I didn’t want to confess that it was because I wanted to feel her closer.  
Now that I was hearing her voice, same as when we were chatting by skype or texting us, my heart was beating so hard and I felt relieved and frustrated at the same time as I couldn’t be closer, but something was something.  
-Laura, I’ve called you to tell you something… I donno how to say it –her voice darkened- I’m afraid… -her voice broke- I’m afraid I won’t be able to go on Christmas, they make me work on the 26th so I can’t go… -her voice broke again, now I knew that it was because she was crying.  
While she was pronouncing those words I began to cry too. It couldn’t be possible, the last drop of hope faded.  
The title of a book has just came up in my mind, now I knew which one I will give her: “20 poems of love and a song of despair”.

December 17th  
Today I’ve been chatting with Perry and LaFontaine, since Carm told me she wouldn’t be here I’ve only got out of house to buy her the book.  
Perry and LaFontaine are so sorry for me but they didn’t understand me, they have each other, I’m totally sure they are secretly in love with the other and they don’t know that.  
The truth is that speaking with them helps a lot, and it has cheer up my day. Since I entered the book place I haven’t stopped reading, on the one hand to feel , as I said before, closer to Carmilla, on the other because I really like them.  
LaFontaine gave me an idea: she said that if Carm couldn’t come here, why I couldn’t go there and visit her. Truly, when she said it I felt stupid because it didn’t come to my mind.  
So a bit happier I prepared myself to buy tickets with lots of excitement, to discover that there wasn’t any flight, any route at all that let me see my lover. If there is any god or goddess anywhere I’m pretty sure he or she is against our love.  
Once I searched thousands of times thousands of routes, flights and everything I gave up going and visiting Carmilla this Christmas. This year Christmas will be cold and sad. I don’t even think I bother to prepare or eat anything special, I don’t feel like.

December 18th  
Today I’m meeting Carmilla to watch a film by skype after dinner, I don’t know if it would have been a good idea.  
I have dinner and I do the dishes.  
I switch on the computer, Carmilla is online. I call her.  
-Hey Carm, are you ready for the movie night?  
-Sure cupcake.  
We started to watch the film. So close but so far.  
I missed the smell of her hair, her dark hair, the softness of her hands, squeezing me, her lips fierce and candy lips, her gold and silver kisses, her eyes, deep oceans that left me breathless every time I looked at them.  
I couldn’t focus on the film. It’s not the same if she isn’t with me, both hugged, she caressing my hair, me playing with hers, I never thought I would have said it, but I even missed her cat form, that big black cat losing its hair all around the house, but I love her so damn much…  
Carmilla also seemed distracted but I didn’t want to tell her anything, she was very excited to see this movie together, so I kept on thinking.  
As I thought, I became sadder, and without knowing why and without wanting it, I started crying. It wasn’t a loud cry so I managed that Carmilla didn’t realise, she can’t stand me being sad, and I don’t want her either to be.  
The film ended, I dried my tears (without me knowing she dried hers too) and so we were, chatting a little, as we did every day when we wasn’t texting.  
We said good night and we went to sleep, in separated beds, but with the same heart, beating at the same time.

December 20th  
Today it was a sunny day, but it was still being cold so I decided not to go out and stay at home, another day more. The day that I didn’t go out because of the rain it was because of the snow or the wind or like today, because of it was too cold.  
I spent the day on reading.  
After lunch the bell rang. And without knowing why, I run, excited, to the door to see who was there. I still hope it was Carmilla.  
No.  
It was Perry and LaFontaine the ones who knocked the door. I felt disappointed, although I was really happy to see them.  
-Hey you, how are your Christmas going? –I asked.  
-Fine, right Perry? –Answered LaFontaine.  
-Yes –said she a little choppy, every time the topic came up she felt overwhelmed, she didn’t want to screw up, we all know how Perry is.  
They had the courtesy of not asking how were my Christmas going.  
I invited them to come in the house. They came in.  
-Do you want to take something? I have tea.  
LaFontaine looked Perry, who nodded, and they both said yes.  
-Hey, do you know anything about Danny? It has been a while since I talk with her.  
LaFontaine answered.  
-She’s still in her hometown with her parents and her brothers, I think she’s coming for New Year’s Eve, she wants to celebrate it with us, you’ll come, right?  
-Yes, sure, we’re doing something great on New Year’s Eve –I said absently.  
-By the way, Laura –said Perry, very tactful- talking about Eves, what are you doing on Christmas Eve? We’re gonna have dinner together and we thought you would like to come and celebrate we three, we also can sleepover and spend Christmas day together if you like.  
The question caught me by surprise, I didn’t expect it. I didn’t really like to go with them, better let them enjoy their Christmas together, I was sure that if I went I would ruin the night. I made up an excuse.  
-I’m afraid girls I can’t go, my father is coming so I’ll be having dinner with him.  
-Well –said Perry- if you change your opinion we will be always there and you will always be on time.  
Perry believed that tale, but LaFontaine knew me better and there was something that told me she had discovered me, anyway she got the insinuation or not, we didn’t speak about it anymore.  
We spent the rest of the afternoon chatting and laughing. It’s always good to have some laughs before the storm arrives.

December 24th  
And Christmas Eve arrived… I simply didn’t want it to happen; I should have gone with Perry and LaFontaine, I don’t want to pass Christmas Eve alone, but now is so late. I don’t know what to have for dinner; I think I have some pizza in the fridge.  
I cook it and that’s it. Everyone is having a wonderful dinner with all their relatives or friends but me. I am alone, on my own on Christmas Eve, I think it is the same bad as being alone for your birthday.  
I didn’t switch on the TV so I could think clearly and hear the noise of the silence, and the noise of my thoughts. I ate my pizza and suddenly some noises appear. I could hear some voices, people clapping and the melody of some bells. They came from the street. I left the pizza slice on the dish and I stick out the window and see a chorus singing Christmas carols to everyone. The chorus was knocking on every one’s doors and singing to them. I didn’t want them to come here.  
Oh my god, I think they have seen me. Yes they did. Please, please, don’t come here to sing.  
They did. Two minutes after I heard someone knocking the door. I had a look throw the spyhole, yes, they were the chorus. I love Christmas carols but today is not my day.  
-We know you are there. We saw you staring at us from the window. Let us sing you some carols to cheer the night.  
I pretended not to be at home  
-We can see the lights from here so don’t pretend not to be in there, come on we just want to have some fun.  
Finally they got bored and they left.  
Now I could eat my pizza more peacefully. Once I finished the whole pizza I went to the kitchen to see what I could get for dessert, I was still hungry. There was nothing but one cupcake, a strawberry cupcake. So I started crying and crying. Even though I was sadly crying I ate it, and as I had nothing more to do I went to bed early.

I went to my room, I uncover my cold bed, I laid down tears down my face and I felt asleep deeply half of the night, but in the middle of it I woke up suddenly because I heard a big noise. I didn’t attached importance to it, maybe I dreamt the noise and maybe I just woke up suddenly. A strange idea came up to my mind, but it couldn’t be possible, I looked idiot thinking that, Santa Clause does not exist and of course no one is bringing Carmilla to me.  
The rest of the night I had weird dreams, kind of nightmares, but it wasn’t really a nightmare, just a bad dream. It consisted on me walking on the fields, the sun was out and the birds were singing, I could smell all the flowers and hear the buzz of the bees. Actually I was happy on the dream. But suddenly the sun hid behind some clouds and the field became a forest, a dark forest, full of crows “oh no, not crows, we all know what happens with crows, Allan Poe knows well”. There were voices all around saying “be careful, be careful, do not go forward it is dangerous”, but I didn’t obey the voices and I went forward. Something pounced on me, I felt a big jab on my stomach and woke up very nervous.  
“Carmilla, I need help” I said instinctively, but then I realised it was only a dream, and there was no forest and no crows, just me in the darkness of my room, alone, without Carmilla. I kept on sleeping, the rest of the night I was fine.

December 25th  
The sun light was filling the room. Years ago I could smell the Christmas and the presents when I woke up, but this year there was no Christmas for me and no presents either. I didn’t want to face the day, but I had to, so I stood up, made the bed and went out my room ready for a new lonely day, but when I exited my room, there was something different on the air, I didn’t know what was it but there was something different, “just impressions” I thought. But when I went to the living room I found it full of balloons and there were cupcakes everywhere. “Carmilla” I said, while I started crying of joy. I looked around to see her, but I didn’t. I realised there was a little present with a note on it under the Christmas tree.  
I approached the gift and read the note, it was written with Carm’s handwriting: “just behind you, cupcake”. And before I could turn I felt her soft hands hugging me from my waist. I turned and there she was, all dressed in black with a bow on her dark her, she was staring at me with those eyes and I pounced on her savage lips, kissing her while my tears were going down my cheek. Now I believed in Christmas more than ever, now I had her, now we could put the star in the top of the tree.


End file.
